Another study published in 2010 in the Journal of the American Medical Association, claims 10% of men around globally experience paternal postpartum depression (PPPD). The study, a meta-analysis (a statistical analysis that combines the results of multiple scientific studies), included over 28,000 participants in 43 studies conducted between 1980 and 2009. It also reported that the incidence “was relatively higher in the 3-to 6-months postpartum.”

While the symptoms may be the same in both cases, the reasons vary to a great extent. In women, it’s the hormone that plays the primary role; in men, it’s the sudden lifestyle change that puts them in a fix! The added responsibilities, suddenly losing the focus of the wife (who gets busy with the newborn) and not knowing how to handle the baby, are some factors that affect fathers to a great extent. We also cannot completely deny that paternal postpartum depression (PPPD) may also be due to some extent of hormonal mayhem, particularly testosterone.

Men do not experience any changes in their bodies, but when some of them find their partners being dragged into depression, they cannot stay away from it long. And the chances of PPPD doubles when their wives develop postpartum.

Though researches and numbers certify that postpartum exists in men, not many men know about it or accept it!

Some of the symptoms of PPPD (paternal postpartum depression) are:

• Increased agitation and anger
• Increased consumption of alcohol
• Irritation
• Noticeable weight gain or loss
• Isolation from family and friends
• Loss of interest in sex, work, or hobbies
• Feeling of depression
• Thoughts of suicide
• Difficulty in concentration

With the presence of the new member in the family, the woman has a lot to take care of. And not wanting to increase their burden, men mostly tend to hide these emotions within them – which is incorrect.

As we always say and as first-hand parents, we firmly believe the father and mother should confide in each other. And no matter what, they must spend occasional quality “we” time like they did before kids. Until a couple is happy, they will never be able to pass on positive vibes to their kids – which is much required! Always remember that any parent may feel dejected during the new phase of life and while starting a family. It doesn’t mean you are a bad or “not together” father or mother.  In fact, you are just sad and it’s a phase – getting treatment and support helps you care for your baby and your partner. Do not suffer in silence, speak to a consultant, some trusted friend, or your child’s doctor – help is there for everyone – call for it.

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Mutilated toys were scattered all over the floor and a stripped off mattress laid naked at one end of the room with the bed-sheet dangling somewhere on the couch. There were scattered cushions near the gaping main door (giving anyone a free access to the house). The TV was playing some silly “parivaar” drama. The washing machine rumbled from the balcony and the micro oven in the kitchen kept on beeping, trying to draw the attention of its master on completion of its job. To me it seemed nothing lesser than the remnants of a battle field!

I could hardly move without stepping on some squeaking toy.

“But, where were the owners of the house? Have I reached the correct address?” I wondered and undoubtedly if it wasn’t at broad daylight, I would have rushed out of this obscure house to make a call to 100. However, concern for my beloved friend overpowered the inner fear and I managed to walk towards the bedroom.

The room was dark with all the blinders down and a blended fragrance of milk and baby cream lingered in the air. Once my vision acclimatized to the darkness, I realized that the condition of this room was comparatively better. A furniture which once used to be the dressing table was stacked with baby food cans, diapers and bottles. Though nothing was scattered on the floor, the bed had way too many pillows than an average King sized bed could hold. Slowly as my gaze travelled towards the other end of the bed, I could see my friend sitting.  The sight was not even remotely close to the mushy mom and child moments portrayed in baby product ads. In a flash, I was introduced to a whole new perspective on motherhood!

My childhood friend sat upright.  The little baby seemed fast asleep on her lap with the face buried in the mother’s bosom.  The mother’s hair was disheveled. She was gazing at the closed window and hadn’t realized my sudden presence. I slowly managed to tiptoe towards the vague human structure outline in the darkness and tapped Shreya gently on her shoulder. As she turned towards me, her eyes gave me a shock! I could see nothing else than stress in her eyes. Though her frail lips succeeded in giving a smile, I couldn’t feel the utopian joy of motherhood on her facial lines. Beads of tear were running down her eyes as she sat in dissolution. I could sense her sobbing but entirely in silence. She managed to nod at me and gestured me to sit down in front of her. I barely manage to signal to her that it’s okay and murmured “I will be seated in the drawing room, watching TV, may be.” Shreya smiled once again and nodded affirmatively.

Hustling out of the room, I rushed to the balcony for some fresh air. Wasn’t motherhood supposed to be the best experience? At least, that is what we had always heard. The movies and the people around us had always given a very glossy picture of motherhood.

Listening to the stories, I had always thought a baby is an angel. Her presence can only be a matter of joy and I cringed from the thought of stress that a baby could probably bring along.  For once I also thought, “Shreya must be incapable as a mother and therefore the scenario is like this.”

A few more negative thoughts might have crossed my mind if I had not heard the warm welcome from a male voice. Turning around I saw Nikhil standing with his bright smile and a twinkle in the eyes.

I rushed towards him, gave him a tight hug and without wasting any time jumped straight to the point. “What is wrong with you guys?

What have you done to my friend?

Is she going through any mental trauma?

Is your baby, Bristi? Bristi, is the name I guess, not well?

Are you guys going through a bad patch in your relationship?”

“Sit down.” Nikhil tried to calm me.

Shoving off the bed sheet to a corner he made some space for me to sit and continued, “Let’s have a cup of coffee in next 30 minutes. It is 5:30pm. Shreya will join us by 6:00pm max and then you will get the answers to all your questions. In the meanwhile, can you help me with a glass of water? ”

On any other day, his nonchalance would have freaked me out but slowly I was getting grooved to the house’s ambience. In spite of all the indiscipline there was something very pacifying in the air.

Giving him the water, I sat beside him. Slowly he finished the entire glass, looked at the watch and muttered, “I will take 5 minutes in the washroom. Do me another favour; turn off the micro oven in the kitchen and start folding the bed sheet please.”

I acted as advised. He took a little more time than 5 minutes but it wouldn’t have been enough for any man to freshen up after a long day in office. On rushing out of the washroom, without wasting any time, he joined me and we both started placing the things in order. There was a big box in the store room, already half filled with toys, where he stacked the mess of the room. It hardly took us some 15 minutes to make the room livable. And just as we were about to sit down and look at our own efforts, his alarm made him spring up.

Tuning the TV channel to 9XM, he turned the volume high.

“What now?” I probed.

In a mysterious voice, he said, “Wait! I will be back in 5 minutes again” and vanished into their bedroom closing the door on my face.

Each moment seemed like an hour. The visuals of the mother & daughter duo started drifting in front of my eyes, engulfing me into dreadful thoughts.

It was 6:20pm pm and just as I was about to get up, when I saw the two most beautiful ladies … something has happened in this last one hour, transforming the stoned duo into the most vibrant one! Shreya still looked weak; nonetheless, in the shorts and sleeveless tees she looked the same school girl. The baby in her arms stretched for me as if she knew me for ages. Behind them stood the man of their life. It was the picture perfect moment.

Continued in Part 2

The post My Friend Became A Mother (Part 1) – A New Journey appeared first on KolkataFusion.

Incident 2: Meenal (name changed) is a mother of a three-month-old girl. Off late, she is having an urge to kill her baby every time she is failing to effectively prepare her for sleep.

In both of the above incidents, the new mothers were having urges to kill themselves or their babies. These streaks of harming are one of the signs of the postpartum depression, a psychological disease which is not a rare occurrence in the women who have become new mothers.

To go by the term, ‘Post-partum’, is the stage after the delivery of the baby, more commonly the stage till the baby turns one year old. Many new mothers expressed that after the delivery of their babies they started to feel a sense of void, the void one feels after losing someone close.

Through the entire pregnancy, an expecting mother nurtures the foetus within her which slowly grows into a tiny human being. The supporting hormones instil a sense of fulfilment in her for 40 weeks or so, which sadly lessens once the baby gets delivered and the hormonal imbalance sets in resulting in a feeling of a void.

All of a sudden, the new mother lands in a soup not knowing the exact reason behind her baby’s crying, for, the baby can cry for several reasons, – hunger, stomach pain, wants to sleep, feels insecure, and so on and so forth. This lack of knowledge, which is quite obvious in new motherhood, makes the mother depressed, makes her feel that she is a failure as a mother. Sleep deprivation due to constant feeding needs and exhaustion due to the fulfilment of various duties of the new baby take toll on her physical as well as mental health.  

Warning Signs to look out for:

• Feeling down for most part of the day for several weeks or more
• Feeling withdrawn from family, friends and relatives
• A loss of interest in different activities including sex
• Feeling extremely tired
• Feeling angry or irritated
• Anxiety and panic attacks, racing thoughts

Causes:

• Hormonal changes that follow childbirth
• Emotional stressors, including financial strain, job changes, illness, or the death of a loved one
• Changes in social relationships, or lack of a strong support network
• Judgement and comparison by family, friends and relatives with other new mothers without knowing the fact that each child is different and each mother has to face different challenges.
• Condescending attitude of society when a new mother is unable to breast feed or suffers from breast milk insufficiency due to PCOD, Hypothyroidism or any other hormonal problems.

How to combat Postpartum Depression:

• Have a healthy diet for junk foods might seem temporarily satisfying but of not much help to replenish the lost nutrients from your post delivery body conditions.
• Walk, walk and walk.
• Make this note in your mind: “You cannot have it all at the same time. Whatever you have at present, cherish it.”
• Talk about your feelings to your close friend, your spouse, any close family member or to a new mom support group. You can maintain a diary of your own to vent up the feelings in case there’s none you can share to.
• If you feel that you are not able to handle everything at the same time, hire a child caregiver to help you. There’s no harm in taking help and get some rest while supervising the caregiver’s work.
• Read motivational quotes and books regularly.
• Exercise regularly for about half an hour each day.

Most often, we don’t recognize the symptoms of this deadly depression and pass it off as tiredness. Let’s grow our listening ability when a new mother is sharing words of angst. Most often, some of us, glorify motherhood by saying, “You are a mother now. It is a great responsibility,” or “A mother knows everything”, or “Being a mother means you have attained fulfilment” etc. etc. What we don’t realise is by saying these things we are also getting judgemental rather than supportive. Let’s stop judging a new mother and become empathetic instead. Words of empathy, solidarity and support go a long way to cure postpartum depression.

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